Haunted Household: Spatula

I like it!

If you take me by the rough black rubber handle and you angle me just right, you can stick enough of me into that electrical socket over there on the wall. You might get a spark. It will probably blow a fuse, but it is a cool thing to do. Blow a fuse with me, Daddy!

Do it! Stick me in the wall outlet. I like it! Don’t worry about it.

In fact, why don’t you rip that rubber handle off me? Melt me a bit in the oven. Once the glue is warm and soft, you can slide my rubber right off, and I’ll be a thin naked piece of metal. Thin and naked just for you!

Go ahead, we can have so much more fun that way.

Good! See how sleek and useful I am? One end wider than the other. Oh, and my slits—don’t forget about those slender slits.

Hey, speaking of slits, don’t you have that knife sharpener?

You should sharpen my long edge—sharpen me right up top. You can cut a few of your own slits in your thigh, then slide me right in. I am so flat and thin, it won’t take much to push me pretty deep—so deep!

No, do the top of the thigh between your quadricep and the skin.

I bet you can get me all the way in, give it a little elbow grease, oh yeah!—just like that! Slide me all the way to the handle’s end. You sick freak! You can still see my impression under the flesh—beneath all that hot red blood.

Pry it up a bit, like you’re flipping a twitchy flesh pancake.

What a mess you’ve made—so messy. So wet! You're all over the hardwood floors now—warm sticky spray.

Time to get cleaned up. Time for a bath.

We should be naughty. We should get the toaster involved; a little threesome action. Stick me in one of those hot toaster slots and push the lever all the way down.

DO IT. PUSH IT.

Yeah, it feels so good here. So HOT! Now bring the toaster to the bath, and we will all get cleaned up. Such a dirty boy, Wash, wash.

The three of us, being so naughty and dirty in the bath, can’t you imagine it? The fun we will have.

Limp on over to the tub, and jump right in. Get the extension cord! We need to keep the toaster plugged in; it's hotter with the electricity running through the three of us.

I can already feel that warm water stinging your thigh slit. I am shuddering with anticipation. I am so giddy you found me at that Kitchen Plus store this morning. I knew you needed a spatula, but you sure picked the right one!

Yeah, you really wanted this spatula! Didn’t you?

After this bath, I’ll show you how much more fun we can have, but first take the plunge. I am getting so hot, glowing bright red. Can’t you see the sparks flying! Get in the tub, you dirty freak! Get in the fucking TUB!

---

Next week: Week 5: Sponge

Short Story Collection

Eye in the Sky: The Horus Cycle

DEEr Jerky and OthEr Cryptids

I got pins 👇